Marathon Training. Take 2.

This week marks the start of another marathon training cycle, something that I didn't think that I would be taking up again so soon. Then again, life sometimes turns out differently than planned. 

As I mentioned in a previous post, I will be embarking on what is known as the Pfitz 12/55 training plan. It's basically a twelve week torture devise combination of long runs, speedwork, and carefully paced tempo runs that will have a highest planned week of 55 miles, something which will hopefully result in an optimal marathon result in March. Tomorrow is the first day, but there will be no running involved - I will be attending a spin class at 6:45am. Since it's Christmas Eve, I wouldn't be surprised if the only two people to show up were the instructor and myself!

In other news, NYRR finally reached a resolution regarding the cancellation of NYCM 2012. Basically, all entrants have the option of either 1) receiving a refund for 2012 or 2) receiving guaranteed entry to one of the following races: 2013 NYCH or NYCM, 2014 NYCM, or 2015 NYCM. They would have to pay the entry fee again. 

However, everyone who completed the 9+1 for 2013, like myself, already have guaranteed entry to the 2013 marathon, so we have more options to choose from. I emailed NYRR, and they confirmed that if we did the 9+1, we can get the refund and still get guaranteed entry for 2013. So hopefully, if all goes well, I will get a second chance to do my first NYCM this coming November. Since I don't plan on doing NYCM in 2014 or 2015, I will happily take the refund offered. 

While I am very pleased with this resolution, NYRR has been dropping the ball this past year, and I find myself gravitating towards NYCRuns more and more, mainly because they are better communicators, and the fact that I've been gravitating towards smaller sized races. For the first time, I am currently registered for more NYCRuns races than I am for NYRR ones. However, NYRR is the organization that helped me get into running, and I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, so I will give them another year of membership to get their collective act together. 

That's all for now. Let the Games Begin!

The Hot Chocolate 5K RR (aka the race distance that I love to hate)

It had been almost two years since I had done a 5K. It's not like I avoided the distance on purpose or anything. It's just that when I was a newer runner, I mostly did NYRR races since I got membership discounts, and they didn't offer more than two to three 5K races per year.

As I was training for NYCM, I decided to pick a race approximately one month after the marathon so that I could both have enough recovery time and capitalize on my improved fitness. NYCRuns had become a more prominent running club over the last couple of years, and when I realized that they had the Hot Chocolate 5K on December 16th, I knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to smash my PR from March 2011. 

Although the marathon was cancelled, and I didn't end up running much of November, I still hoped that I maintained at least most of my fitness from marathon training. When it came time to figure out a goal, I wasn't really sure what to aim for. Since my best 4 mile pace was 7:52, I figured that I would aim for approximately a 7:45 pace and see how that went. 

I knew that picking my race outfit would be of paramount importance. I wanted something that screamed "fast". After thinking about it for a few minutes, I settled with red shorts and the black tank top that I bought for the marathon. I had made the mistake of overdressing for my last 5K, which was held in similar weather conditions, and I didn't want history to repeat itself. 

The morning of the race, I get to Roosevelt Island really early, but it ended up being a good thing as I ran into my friend Leiba as we were getting off of the train. She & I were reverse twins that day. After picking up her race bib, we ran into my other friend, Sarah. Apparently NYCRuns recycles past bibs - Sarah was wearing one from the Brooklyn Marathon that was held less than a month before. 

Eventually, I check my bag, and of course, I'm freezing in my tank and shorts. There was a good chance of rain, but so far, it had not yet arrived other than a slight mist. We walk towards the start, and gather around the start line. A volunteer was nice enough to let me wear a spare sweater for a few minutes while we were waiting to line up. I told her that she was my new best friend for the day. 

The organizers pretty much told everyone who could run faster than a 9 minute mile to go up towards the front, and for everyone else to line up in the back. I lined up next to Leiba, and suddenly felt very nervous. But I didn't have much time to dwell on that thought - the horn went off, and instinctively, I took off. 

Not surprisingly, I probably started off the first mile way too fast. Sometime during the early part of the first mile, Leiba surged ahead of me, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to catch her without ruining my race. Instead, I made sure to use her as my "rabbit", and my goal was to not lose sight of her the entire time. A part of me wasn't surprised at that point, as I thought that she would finish way before I did.

My mile splits were slightly off, but my Garmin hit the first mile at 7:28. I knew that I wouldn't be able to maintain that pace, so I did my best to keep the pace as close to 7:45 as possible without dropping off too much. By the middle of the second mile, I was already hating myself for signing up, and at that point, it was pure race adrenaline that was getting me through this experience. 

Midway through the second mile, I managed to catch up with Leiba and pass her. I couldn't tell how far behind me she was, so instead I managed to focus in on a girl wearing pink in front of me. I had no way to know whether she was in my AG or not, but I decided to try and keep her within my sight for as long as possible. Mile two was done in 7:41, and at that point, I did my best to ensure that I wouldn't slow down even further. 

The course was altered slightly due to Hurricane damage, so some of the third mile was spent on a dirt path. Thankfully, since it wasn't raining, the course wasn't as muddy as I feared it would be. I just remember breathing very hard at this point, and counting down the tenths of a mile until I could finally stop running. I was relieved when I hit the mile three marker and that mile split was 7:47. 

I then forced myself to run the last tenth of a mile as fast as possible and ended up finishing the last 0.14 miles at a 7:02 pace. Just as I crossed the finishing line, I suddenly saw Leiba come up very quickly on my right and we ended up crossing the finish line at the exact same time. She told me afterwards that she had predicted that we would tie, and at the end, wanted to make that final surge so that could come true. We didn't know what our official times were, but we were both pretty confident that we each got sub-24

As for me? My first words to her were the following: "I hate 5Ks, and I am never doing one again!" That's not quite true however - I have signed up for the Coogan's 5K in March as a time trial for marathon training, but I know that I won't get a new PR - it's much hillier than Roosevelt Island, which is as flat as a pancake compared to Central Park. 

I eagerly waited the posting of the results. Although I knew that it was highly unlikely, a part of me hoped for an age group award. In NYRR races, I never would have stood a chance, but since this race had about 500 people, I knew that this would be my best opportunity in the near future. 

However, it was not meant to be. I was technically 6th in my age group (20-29), but the top two were overall winners. The next three people won the age group awards, while Leiba and I technically tied at 4th place with an official time of 23:55. However, since I must have beaten her by like a tenth of a second or something, I placed 4th and she placed 5th. Still, getting 4th was by far the closest I have ever come to receiving an AG award, and will probably be the closest I will get in the near future. 

Looking back at McMillan, however, I realized that according to my HM PR, I should have been able to race a 5K in 23:23. Oh well. It just goes to show you that I am still better at racing longer distances. The official results are below - I had to figure out my gender placement by counting the number of women in the race by adding up each age group. I also found a website for calculating my AG percentage. 

Results
Previous PR: 27:26  @ 8:50mm
New PR: 23:55 @ 7:43mm
Overall Placement: 56/506
Gender Placement: 15/336
Age Place: 4/136
Age Graded Percentage: 60.32%

While I would have loved to get my first AG award, I am very happy that I finally broke my 5K PR, and got above a 60% AG for that distance. 


In hindsight, I realized that although the race itself is painful, the feeling of leaving nothing on the course can be very addicting. While I am still not in love with the distance, I can appreciate why others are obsessed with it. 

I think that NYCRuns does an amazing job of putting on races. They are well organized, and have the sense to keep races on the small side so that they course is not too overcrowded. I never felt that I was impeded from running my race in any way. I had a great time, and plan on doing more of their races in the future. 

Thanks for reading! 

Marathon Training is Quickly Approaching....

First of all, I would like to express my sympathy and deep sorrow for what the people of Newtown, CT went through yesterday. There are just not enough words to describe what a tragedy this is. I can't even imagine what it feels like to send a child to school, only to lose them in one of the places that was supposed to be safe for them. The entire town will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

I usually don't express political opinions in this blog, but it is pretty clear that action needs to be taken. Gun ownership needs to be more tightly regulated, and there needs to be a better system in place to help identify those who are mentally struggling before it's too late.  How many tragedies like this need to happen before the nation wakes up?

Time to get off my soapbox and get back to running. While last month was a wash, things are starting to change. 

It took a while, but it seems like I am finally getting back in the game, so to speak. Last week was the first time I ran over 30 miles since marathon training, and I will most likely accomplish the same thing this week. I realized that although I faced personal disappointment over the last couple of months, the year isn't over yet. 

I will be running my first 5K since March 2011, and to be honest, I am very nervous about it. I don't know the course, and the distance has become very foreign to me. While I expect to get a personal record by default, I know that I will still be disappointed in myself if I don't race to my full potential. I would love to average around a 7:45mm (or better) but we'll see what happens. 

On the bright side, I get this pretty mug. It's
nice not to get another shirt for a change!

I have also finalized my marathon training plan for R&R DC, which will include a few races either as marathon pace runs or tune-ups. I decided to use Pfitz's 12/55 week training plan. For those of you who don't know, this is a 12 week plan that peaks at 55 miles per week. I made slight modifications to the plan, mostly to change some of the long runs to Saturdays instead of Sundays, but otherwise it is very close to the original. I hope that I will be able to handle it. 

I hope to be able to write a positive race report tomorrow, but one will be written no matter what the outcome is. Even if I don't have the race I want, it will be a learning experience that will be worth analyzing. Thanks for reading! 

November in Review: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Here is November in a Nutshell....because it certainly didn't revolve around a turkey this year

The Good

Wedding

The weekend after what should have been my first marathon, one of my best friends married her college sweetheart, and I got the privilege of being a bridesmaid for the third time this year, along with two other really close friends from within our group. I got to hang out in the bridal suite the night before, and I even managed to get on the treadmill the morning of before all of the craziness of getting ready closed in on me. It was a wonderful occasion, and this is now the second person of my close group of college friends to get married. 

Spain

As most of you know, my younger sister, Belle, has been studying abroad in Salamanca and travelling pretty much everywhere else in Europe. My parents and I went to visit her over Thanksgiving week, and we had an amazing time in Madrid, Salamanca, & Barcelona. I learned so much about the Spanish language, or more accurately, the surprising amount I actually retained, as well as about some of the architecture and history of the Spanish (and Catalan) peoples. 

I had three favorite parts - the Barcelona bike tour, going to the Madrid/Bilbao soccer game on the first night, and getting to meet the host mom (although the entire trip was pretty much fantastic). Living the Spanish lifestyle for a short while was a nice vacation from my own life, and it left me relaxed, and ready to get back into the swing of things, or so I thought. All of my pics (thanks to my amazing photographer dad) are on Facebook, but here are a few nice ones of me. 

 The Bad

Two Words: My Running. Or, more accurately, my complete lack of it, and in retrospect, it was all psychological. Since I didn't run a marathon, I shouldn't have had any problem getting back to my 30-40 per mile week schedule. The week after the marathon should have taken place, I had intended on getting back into my normal routine, but for some reason, it just got much harder to get out the door. Every time I got out there and ran, it felt great, and I never regretted it, but the part of my mind that made excuses was simply stronger. 

I thought that this week would be better since I was all relaxed from vacation, and so far, I have run 10 miles, but it still has been hard to motivate myself to get out there, especially since I originally planned on taking it easy the rest of the year. In retrospect, and after much thinking and discussion, I realized that the marathon cancellation affected me worse than I thought it would. While I was initially optomistic about getting back onto the saddle, there is a part of me deep down that asks this question:

"What's the point in working so hard, when the race can be taken away from you so easily?" 

While the hurricane was a fluke, there are a million other things that could happen along the line, and I'm worried that if I start really looking forward to my marathon, something bad is inevitable. It's not the healthiest way of thinking, but I guess I'm not as over the NYCM cancellation as much as I thought I was. 

All of this lead to my lowest month of running since I first started keeping track in November 2010: 49.36 miles. Although I was out of the country for ten days of this, I know that this is far lower than what I should have been capable of, especially since I didn't have to physically recover from a marathon. I can't help but feel ashamed of myself, and think that I probably lost some fitness this month, fitness that I worked really hard to earn during marathon training. However, I know that it's useless to beat myself up, even though I probably will at least for a day or two, so I'm going to try and make the best of a bad month, and to use it to motivate me to have a strong final month of 2012, and to build-up towards my next training cycle. I look forward to a fresh new start on December 1st. 

The Ugly

People have always reported losing toe nails through running. Two years after I started running, I finally lost some of a toe nail - however, it was because of dancing at the wedding. 

Thanks for reading everyone! Now it's time for me to find my mojo and start building up that mileage again. What inspires you to get back into running, and how do you convince yourself to get out the door on a daily basis?

Two Years & Still Enjoying the Ride

It's hard to believe that another year has passed. It seems like only yesterday that I wrote about my one year running anniversary. 

Coincidentally, I had my annual physical this morning, and to my pleasant surprise, I weighed almost 10 pounds less than I thought I did. Although it's possible this scale was not calibrated correctly, I was still very pleased by this information. Thankfully, everything else seemed normal for someone my age. 

I don't think I look any different from last year. The best comparison I could come up with was the Staten Island finishing photo last year (left) vs. this year (right). I just realized that I'm wearing the exact same shirt - it just looks a little different because of the lighting. 

I hit the 3,000 mile lifetime mark sometime in October as well. From January - October of last year, I averaged about 25mpw, and from January - October of this year, I averaged about 35mpw. 

Looking back at last year's entry, I realized that I accomplished several of my goals. Here is what they were, along with whether they were fulfilled or not

Year 2 Goals

1) Run my first marathon - ideally under 4:30 but I'll take making the NY Times - not accomplished due to cancellation - will hopefully be accomplished in 2013 (first marathon in March, and making the NY Times after NYCM 2013)

2) Beat my 2011 PRs - I beat my 2011 PRs for the HM, 10K & 4 miler, and will beat my 5K PR in December by default since it's so old

3) Run 1,500 miles for the year - done as of the end of October

4) Increase base mileage - I ran 1,298.04 miles during my first year, and 1,781.58 during my second year, so I can safely say that this was accomplished

5) Get an AG rating of 60% in at least one race this year - Did so for the 4 mile & HM distance, and barely missed it for the 10K distance

6) Get a NYRR bib time of 7:xx - My bib time became 7:52 as of April's 4 miler

7) Eat healthier and actually keep an accurate food log. I started to do that this year but I fell off track and never quite got back on - Didn't really happen

The following is basically the same as last year...

Long Term Goals

1) Sub-4 hour marathon on the way to...

2) BQ eventually....maybe....

3) Do the Clam Chowder Challenge in Cape Cod

I think the most disappointing part of this past year was not being able to say that I finished my first marathon just days before my two year anniversary, but like I discussed in my previous entry, things happen for a reason, and that the past 16 weeks will only be helpful in ensuring my success in March. 

I also learned (or reaffirmed) several things this year...

Lessons Learned

1) Don't be afraid to be a tourist in your own city, within reason of course. Establishing new running routes can be fun!

2) Although running with friends is fun, running long distances by yourself builds mental toughness far quicker

3) Life & Running doesn't always go as planned. Do what you can to make up for it, but risking injury is never worth it.

4) Getting out the door is always the hardest part of any run, especially when it's a warm bed vs. freezing temperatures. 

5) Make lots of running friends both through your local running club and online, as long as you're careful about it. Believe me, close friends and family, as much as they love you, will be completely bored after about two minutes of running conversation. You have to have someone to obsess with over every minute detail of the sport!

6) Apparently, fashion is just as important in the running world as it is in the professional world, and that some colors are faster than others. 

7) Find your ideal number of races and don't pressure yourself to do more than you're comfortable with. I've gotten to the point where I don't like signing up for events just to do the distance unless it has a purpose within a structured training plan, such as doing an MP pace half-marathon during marathon training. 

I don't have all of my goals for year three of running set in stone, but I do have a few ideas so far...

Goals

1) Run my first marathon, and get a sub-4 hour time

2) A sub-50 minute 10K

3) Run 1750 miles in 2013

4) Make sure that my enjoyment of running doesn't decrease, and that I don't pressure myself into doing anything that I do not really want to do. 

I would like to thank all of my family, friends & my running community for being there for me this year. You are all important to me, and each and every one of you contributed to my running success, whether it be through advice, encouragement, or just lending an ear. And now, here is one last picture as a token of my appreciation...

In case you didn't already think I was crazy,
I had just finished a half-marathon in a snowstorm
when I took this picture. But I think that most of
you already knew that

Marathon Interrupted: A "Race Report" from this past weekend

As all of you probably know, I was supposed to run my first marathon this past Sunday. Although I had mixed feelings about whether it should go on, I resolved to make the best of it. On Thursday, I went to the expo, and picked up my bib and shirt. Apparently, as I found out later, mine must have been a mislabeled shirt - no x-small on the planet would be too big on me and fit my friend Rachel perfectly. It was probably a medium. Oh well! 

However, some things were not meant to be. The next day, I get a text with the following news:

At first, I couldn't believe it, so I called everyone I could think of to try and confirm it. Ultimately, the guy sitting in the pedicure chair next to me did so, and I saw it shortly after on the TV in the nail salon. 

Although in my heart I knew that cancelling the marathon was the right thing to do, I still needed to go through a mourning period, so to speak. I started running in late 2010 with the focus of taking two years to qualify, then train for, NYCM 2012. A person can't just be expected to get over something that they've been dreaming about for two years, no matter what the reason was. 

I spent Friday and most of Saturday in shock. On Saturday morning, I went out to run in Central Park, and in an attempt to cheer myself up, I decided to wear as much orange as possible. 

I don't know whether I was trying to put salt in the wound, but I deliberately routed my run so that I would pass mile markers 24, 25, 26, and the finish line. I hadn't planned on doing a full loop of the park, but the transverse I had planned on crossing was closed off, so I didn't have much of a choice. 

Later that morning, I had brunch with Warren, who flew into NYC for the marathon, and his wife Kristin. They were very nice people, and although we had never met in person, we had corresponded so much online that it felt like we were old friends. 

After spending some of the afternoon at my brother and sister in law's apartment looking at their wedding photos, I went home, and that night, my shock turned into anger and sorrow. I was angry at the mayor and NYRR for not doing the right thing three days earlier, and I was devastated that two years of building towards a dream was suddenly wiped out. I was in a bad place emotionally that night, and to make matters worse, I was feeling guilty for being upset, as thousands upon thousands of people were far worse off than I was. 

Shortly after the marathon was cancelled, I made plans with a few friends to run some of the marathon course together on Sunday. A huge group of runners went to help on Staten Island, while even more runners completed the marathon distance in Central Park. Both sounded like great ideas, but I personally didn't see the point of running 26.2 if it wasn't official, and I really needed to have a cheerful day of running with friends in hopes that I would get out of my mental funk.

I met Kathy, Wallis, Sarah and their friend Al on the Manhattan side of the Brooklyn Bridge. After running across the Brooklyn bridge, we picked up the marathon course, and ran it all the way to Queens via the Pulaski bridge, then back across to Manhattan via the Queensborough bridge. Since Kathy's hip was acting up, I walked up the Pulaski bridge with her, and managed to get a couple of pictures in with the help of a tourist. 

I got about a total of close to ten and a half miles in, and I felt great the entire time.  After we finished our run, thanks to the handy navigation skills of Wallis, we found a diner near the Queensborough bridge to get coffee and brunch. I ate my weight in pancakes and bacon. 

To my surprise, Kathy presented homemade medals that her kids made for us after learning that the marathon had been cancelled. Mine says "faster than 3:59:59" on the front and "don't stop running on the back". Her kids are really the sweetest, and I can't wait to give them a big hug (or a hi five if they prefer it) when I see them. I think that this will be my favorite medal of all time!

Wallis, me, Kathy, and Sarah 

While all of my running friends have supported me in numerous ways, Wallis was the one who wrote my training plan, and while I never got the chance to see what I could do in a marathon today, I am sure that whatever I would have accomplished would have been largely due to her help in crafting what I jokingly call the "Wallis Pfitzglover" plan. It was a 16 week plan that peaked at 50 miles, which was essentially a tamer version of the Pfitz 18/55 plan. 

While I am disappointed to never know what would have happened if I ran in the marathon, the entire group run experience put things in perspective. I was so angry last night that I considered not even running NYCM, but after running some of the course, I started to feel excited again. 

I originally had wanted to cancel the party that my parents were throwing tonight, but they told me that the ice cream cake had already been ordered. Well, as talented as I am, eating a Haagen Daaz ice cream cake by myself is not happening, so we still had people over and ordered pizza and salads. 

There are tons of pictures which I plan on posting on Facebook soon, including pictures of the signs that my parents had made me in anticipation of the marathon, but here are a few favorites. 

Me & Amy - the roommate who got the brunt
of my taper / hurricane madness

Dad & Me. He takes much better pictures
than Brightroom

Mom & Me in front of one of the signs that
she worked so hard on

The source of my crazy running gene & me

Zahava, me & Lily. The hat that Zahava is wearing
says my name, then "NYC Marathon 2012". These
hats will be recycled for NYCM 2013

As my father put it, he used to joke that only an act of nature would prevent me from doing NYCM 2012. Although that actually happened, life goes on, and it's time to come up with a Plan B, which is why I registered for the Rock n' Roll DC Marathon on March 16, 2013. I didn't really want to wait another year to attempt my first marathon, and hopefully I can build upon the training for this one and use it to propel me into my second cycle. I may not be a marathoner in 2012, but nothing will stop me from being one in 2013! 

Thanks for reading! 

Week 16: There Are No Winners Here

On Sunday night, they shut down the entire NYC transportation system. At the time, I wasn't too worried – they had done the same thing for Irene and while there was damage, it was for the most part sustained outside of the city. I thought that perhaps we’d be back to normal pretty quickly.

But as the weekend unfolded, it was pretty clear that we would be facing a far direr situation. Since we were on the wrong side of the eye of the storm, we would be hit far worse than we were during Irene. I had considered walking the 2.7 miles to my office on Monday, but doing so would have been extremely dangerous, especially coming home. So I stayed indoors all day Monday, watching the news as more and more of Manhattan was losing power, wondering whether my neighborhood would be next.

I ended up being one of the lucky ones, and didn't lose power, but others were not so lucky. Manhattan lost power south of midtown, and there was a crane in the process of falling that forced thousands of people to evacuate. In the outer boroughs and New Jersey, some people lost power, while others lost their homes, and even their loved ones.

I haven’t been able to go to my office all week, as it lost power, and wasn't reassigned anywhere until Wednesday. While I’m grateful that I have not lost anything significant, I think that it’s incredibly unfair that I am being docked vacation for Monday and Tuesday, even though there was no way for me to get to work, and I wasn't informed of any alternatives at that time. It sucks, but as I said earlier, I was one of the lucky ones. My family and friends remained safe, and although a few lost power, they faced no significant damage as far as I know.

But the real controversy I’d like to address is the New York City Marathon. After I saw how bad the damage was, I had started to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable cancellation. They couldn’t possibly hold this marathon when our transportation is crippled, millions of people are without electricity, and there was so much repair work to be done, right? Although I would be heartbroken about losing my two year long dream, I knew that it could be necessary. Nothing a night or two of crying, eating ice cream, and drinking couldn't fix, right? Then obviously, I would go for a run, and start making up contingency plans like I usually do.

However, to my surprise, I found out that the marathon was going on as planned, with some minor adjustments. I felt relieved at first, but then wondered whether this was really the right decision. On the one hand, the city’s infrastructure was nowhere near completely recovered, but on the other hand, holding the marathon would bring economic relief into the city, and symbolize the determination and grit that us New Yorkers are famous for. It was a tough decision for the Mayor to make, and although I’m not certain that it was the right decision, it had been made nonetheless. I fully expected disagreement on this, but not only were people saying terrible things about the mayor and NYRR, but they were even insulting the runners, saying that their participation would be a slap in the face to those who had lost their lives, homes, and power, and were still waiting on aid.

This is beyond unacceptable. How dare someone suggest that I don’t care about the city that I have lived my entire life! Do people really think that I am not devastated at the losses that these people are suffering? I have donated money towards two different relief efforts, and I plan on donating blood next week and volunteering if possible.

 It is up to the individual runner to decide whether they would still like to participate in this year’s event. While I respect any and all decisions made, here is something to keep in mind: Boycotting will not change the fact that this event is being run, nor will it change the resources used that day. It certainly won’t undo the damage that has been done to the NYC metro area and beyond.

If you don’t want to support the runners, that is fine. Just do us all a favor and stay away. If you’re angry that this race is being run, that’s fine. Just don’t take your anger at Mayor Bloomberg and Mary Wittenberg out on the runners on the course. They didn't decide to hold this race, and it would be a slap in the face to the running community, especially to the locals who have decided to use this as an opportunity to raise money on behalf of the victims.

Either way, whether the right decision was made or not, the NYC Marathon will never be the same as it has been, and I don’t think that it will be looked on favorably by the community for a long time to come. As for me, I will still give it my all, but despite the support that I have received from my family and friends, finishing it will just not be as meaningful as it once was.